so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
