i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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