So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
