Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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