I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
