"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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