so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
