my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
