you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Randomize
