quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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