you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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