How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
