i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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