You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
how drunk are you?
Several
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
