Cold hands, warm shart.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Drunk is not a location!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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