the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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