First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
