He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
