Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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