so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
