fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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