woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
