Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am puke
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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