Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
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She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize