I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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