I just saw a hot homeless man
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
