tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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