I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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