i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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