I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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