i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
