I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize