Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
