I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
