News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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