We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
