I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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