Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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