I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize