When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
