Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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