I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize