I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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