I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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