I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
