Can Purell be used as lube?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
