so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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