Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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