He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
