I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
