my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
