and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it's like iHOP with fire
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
