I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
