just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
