I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
