when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
