I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
