New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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