I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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