I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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