I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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