Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
