he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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