I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
