This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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