Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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