The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
