Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
