3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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