If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
