i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
