you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
