I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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