Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
