tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
