I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Randomize
