I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
