you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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