apparently the secret to your success is patron
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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