She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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