So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
