So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
