i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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