My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
