i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
