you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
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you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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