Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
