Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
