then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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