I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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