he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I am puke
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
